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Dear Friends,
I’m going to share this now while it’s still raw because if I don’t I’m sure I probably never will. At our leader’s meeting today, we discussed What was one thing we got out of our MOPS meetings this year? I had such a melancholy spirit and a sense of disappointment came over me. I could only think of all the things that could have been better: the words I could have said in a more articulate manner or with more empathy, the times I could have listened more and I didn’t, the times I could have had more joy, the ladies who dropped out mid-year and I could have kept in touch with but didn’t, the meetings that could have been so much more intentional.
I know I can be very hard on myself and quite critical – I’m working on that – but that doesn’t change the fact that I’m still guilty of all those little things that could have made my experience and others’ experiences richer and fuller. I come from the work ethic that if I don’t give it my all, it’s not worth doing. I will be honest with you, I was pretty low. And as I was wallowing in my self-critique, a song started playing in the background. I’ve heard it numerous times before, but this time those words washed clean over me:
Amazing love
That welcomes me
The kindness of mercy
That bought with blood, wholeheartedly
My soul undeserving
God, You’re so good
Oh God, You’re so good God,
You’re so good
You’re so good to me …
I am blessed, I am called
I am healed, I am whole
I am saved in Jesus’ name
Highly favored, anointed
Filled with Your power
For the glory of Jesus’ name
(God, You’re so Good, lyrics by Scott Ligertwood, Brooke Fraser, Kristian Stanfill, Brett Younker)
These words were such powerful reminders and they forced me to snap out of my depressive state, and reminded me that God is SO good: even when we try and fail, even when our expectations don’t match the end result, even when our efforts don’t seem to pay off and there’s no applause at the end, even when we give it our best and it doesn’t seem to have made one dent in the big scheme of things. He takes that which is not perfect and makes it perfect. He heals and mends the hearts that were hurt in the process. He completes the work that was started, but was never finished. He shines in our failures and showers his grace abundantly. And he doesn’t make us feel bad about it either. Instead, he reminds us of our identity in him. We are blessed, we are called, we are healed and we are whole. No matter what your hurt feelings tell you, no matter your unmet expectations or your failed attempts – we are highly favored, we are anointed, and we are filled with his power for his glory!
And so, for everything I’ve left undone, every word I’ve said that came out wrong, every thought that didn’t match what it was in my heart, I ask for your forgiveness. But more than that, I put it all at Jesus’ feet because that’s where I know it will be made whole and perfected by his grace; where it will reach its purpose and will have its impact in due time.
I love you ladies!
Blessings and grace to all!
Anka Trifan is part of the Meridian MOPS group and finished her first year as a table leader. She’s first and foremost a mom to her 6- and 2.5-year olds, a devoted wife, as well as a business owner. She’s an avid hiker and loves spending quality time outdoors with her family. @hike.a.lot