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I was invited to the meeting. I went in with an excitement about contributing ideas, problem solving, collaborating on ideas. I was welcomed and introduced to the team. They were kind enough – seemed genuinely glad to have a new voice in the conversation. I was ready. I had come prepared to listen and “catch up” since conversations had already occurred. As the conversation picked up, I was asked what I thought. I jumped in! I shared and I also began to read the room. Facial expressions and body language moved from “we’re glad you’re here” to “you should stop talking.” I didn’t understand. I left the meeting unsettled. A few weeks later we met again. This time I took the “talk less, smile more” approach that Aaron Burr sings about in Hamilton. I thought surely that would make me and others feel more comfortable. The trouble was, I didn’t. Conversation picked up, and I listened until someone asked, “What do you think?” Here it came, my thoughts, and I just couldn’t stop them. It didn’t go well. I felt less and less safe to share ideas and less and less like I wanted to be on the team, so I left and didn’t come back.
A new command I give you: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. – John 13:34 NLT
Loving each other means providing safety, comfort and belonging. A safe, welcoming, inclusive space is what many are looking for when they come to MOPS. They want to be seen, feel loved and cared for, learn and have someone listen to the concerns of their heart. Creating a safe space for those things starts with love and consideration of how moms will feel when they enter the room and sit at your table.
Think on these things:
Make your group inclusive. MOPS is for every mom. It’s who we are. We know every mom needs to be part of a community who sees her and loves her as she is. Moms want to see other moms like them. Be inclusive. Create spaces where every mom will feel she belongs.
Listen. If you want moms to feel heard, find out what they want to talk about. Listen for understanding. When you listen, you learn about people and make moms feel safe to share. When you really listen you discover what is truly on the heart of the mom. Hear her. Meet her where she is, not where you think she should be. Being heard makes people feel safe, seen and loved.
Actions speak louder than words. Saying your group is safe and welcoming to all moms, does not make it true. Take a minute and evaluate your group. Look at the physical space. Does it feel warm, inviting and easy to access? How’s your follow up? Spend time focusing on continued connection so moms know you care long after they have come to your meeting.
Questions:
- Who is the mom you need to invite to your table?
- What can you do to “talk less, listen more?”
- What can you do this week to check in with a mom who attended your group?
Melodi Leih, Executive Leadership Coach