My Hospital Confession

Hello, Dearest

I have a confession: I didn’t feel that “instant love” that moms talk about when they first see their child. Please understand, I love my child. I loved her before I saw her, before I held her. But I just didn’t feel that instant bond I expected after delivery. I tried to act the part in front of family and friends, but when complications kept me in the hospital for a week, I couldn’t keep it up. I was sick and in pain, so when my husband asked me if I wanted to hold Reagan, I admitted that I didn’t. And then I cried.

After two losses and a rough pregnancy, my precious baby had arrived safely. This was the child I had prayed for, cried for. She was here and she was beautiful. What’s wrong with me?

Since coming home from the hospital, things have improved and I love holding her (except when she is super fussy, then she’s all Daddy’s!) and cuddling her. I cried the first day I went back to work, and I couldn’t get home fast enough at the end of the day to see her. But I’m still not the mom I expected to be. I don’t read her enough storybooks, I forget to pray for her spouse every night (at this point, I forget to pray at all more nights than I care to admit), and when I hear her start to fuss in the night I whisper, “please go back to sleep!” and wait a minute or two before crawling out of bed. My list of ways I believe I’m not measuring up is long.

But today, my challenge (for you and me) is to find three things that we do well as mothers.

I’ll start. I am patient with Reagan; even when inside I’m ready to run away and join the circus (how different can it really be from my house!?!), outwardly I am calm with her. I also talk and sing to Reagan … a lot. I read somewhere that it will help her learn and grow and, I’ll be honest, I love to talk so it fits with my strengths! And for a third thing I do well, I know (or at least am learning!) my limits. I share Reagan’s care with Daddy because I know that I’m a better mom when I let someone else help me.

Now it’s your turn … What three things do YOU do well as a mom?